curio by laura ellen scott




As a modern practitioner from the colony—we were never lost—I can make you a husband for a fee. Husbands are combination animals. This one, for example, is mostly bear, but he has some lynx and vegetable. Rooty where it counts, stupid where it doesn’t. Or, we can incorporate twist puzzles and the urge to bargain. You can tell the foreign-made. Howling is one sure sign of ignorance as is the usage of bible phrases and olde spelling. Don’t confuse skill with desire—isn’t it better to have a man who hopes he can make you come than one who is confident and incurious? It’s like home repair. You can have strength or health, but not both, and we’ll need to set a whole day aside to get the odor right. That’s where you come in. It’s not a cheap or fast process, and we don’t do sloppy work. This is a husband, not a priest.